How to step into an empowering position
How do I take my position as a leader?” asked a participant during a Systemic Working workshop. Her question was business related and it is a question that I often encounter among participants and clients.
How do you do that, take the position that you are meant to take? Within the team for example or as a business leader. Not from a power standpoint and not from a perspective of making yourself smaller. But based on the position you must take within the system, related to your role, your talents, your experience, and your capabilities. After we did some research together, it turned out that ‘stepping into her position’ meant becoming visible.
Becoming visible with all her qualities, with all her imperfections, becoming visible with everything that is who she is. Beyond limiting beliefs and judgement.
I think this is an important step in personal leadership. Becoming visible from your authenticity. There is indescribable power in being authentic and it is incredibly vulnerable. Why? Because you run the risk of being rejected by someone else. That’s what we often try to avoid at all costs. We forget that in holding ourselves back, we reject a large part of ourselves. And that makes it very difficult to take your place, to step into your own power and position within the system. Whether this is an organizational system or a family system. As we start taking a position based on making ourselves smaller or bigger than the ‘others’ we, very unconsciously, invite the outside world to reflect our limiting beliefs about ourselves, right back at us. Which can cause confusion, doubt, or a sense of not ‘being enough’.
The paradox that arises is that the other person senses (often completely unconsciously) that you are withholding parts of yourself and then hassle arises. In communication, on the work floor, between partners. Why? Because you still want to get things done and you will try to get them done in a roundabout way.
The moment you can really connect with yourself, with a loving gaze, beyond your own judgment and a healthy dose of humor, you can also become visible to the outside world. Because you are not hiding aways parts of yourself anymore in the basement.
You then become clear about what you want and need, what you stand for and, above all, what you don’t want. You set boundaries, in a healthy way.
When you encounter rejection, it is no longer so painful, as you no longer reject yourself. In fact, you will discover that within your own colorful diversity lies an incredible power that people are drawn to. That to me, is authenticity. Believe me, as humans we have everything within us, by viewing parts of it as good or bad and by locking parts of us behind bars, we are doing a lot of violence to ourselves. It’s time to allow our inner diversity.
Which parts of you are eager to become visible? Which parts have you not allowed to stand in the light, as you might have been told that this was ‘wrong behavior’ or that a certain character trait was not ‘how you should behave’. Or maybe an incredible talent has been shut down as ‘you can’t make a living’ with this?
We start projecting a part of us into the world which we hope will give us the love and acceptance we are longing for. But what if you are shutting yourself down as well? Based on old pain and old convictions, that might no longer be true. Reflect on them and see how you can create a secure base within yourself, supported by friends, family, or a coach, by bringing these hidden parts into the light.
The world needs more authenticity instead of the masks we wear.